Conspiracy

Ian and I decided to go out tonight and talk finances about the wedding. I figured he couldn't hurt me in a public place. (just kidding, the in-laws are up and I wanted a semi-private discussion.) So first we decide to go to Perkins. Dark. Then Cold Stone. Dark. I was starting to think that either the universe didn't want me to talk to Ian about the wedding planning or the universe didn't want me to eat ice cream. We finally got to go to Maggie Moos where we discussed wedding finances among screaming children. I'm a big fan of chocolate better batter, btw.

So, we're going to be broke for about three weeks, but that's not a big deal. We'll manage it I think. I think.

I vote for Universal Marriage Care.

:)

ROAR

Ok, time to stop whining, I just read my last couple of posts. I mean really!!! I have a wonderful man, a caring family and I hit the in-law jackpot. The people I love are happy and healthy. A little chaos never killed anyone. Besides, Elvis is my DJ. When Elvis is your DJ the world is a cool place.

Oh how awkward!

You ever talk about something thinking that you're out of earshot only to find out later that you weren't? I think the only thing worse than that is to not be SURE if you were overheard.

The in-laws are in and I was commenting to Ian about something that they own that is hideous...so hideous that it's almost fashionable. I'm not sure if they were asleep or not, I'm not sure if they heard me or not, I'm just not sure. So now I have to live with my paranoid awkwardness. Where's the sand?

Ian is out with the boys tonight. He's spending the night. This is troublesome for two reasons. 1) I could really use a good snuggle. 2) The reason he's staying over is because he's trying out a new potential commute. If it goes well I may be moving on top of trying to get married. Because I'm indecisive, ambivalent and insane.

I hate feeling vulnerable. I want strong Angela back. I am Angela, hear me roar. ROAR. RROOAARR.

It's raining shoes

I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next month. Everyone told me that a wedding is stressful and i said NAH we love each other. We can't wait to get married. Well now Ian is having a meltdown, my inlaws are arriving this afternoon and my stomach has forgotten how to do everything but void whatever I take in.

I could hold it together if Ian was ok. Every time I look at him I'm wondering if he's wondering if he made a mistake. I don't want to ask him because 1) I'm afraid of the answer and 2) if you don't acknowledge bad things they go away. Hrm...that might be why shoes are always hitting me in the head!

I guess we can add to this that I picked now to clean out my closets with my therapist and Ian is considering having us move. Like this month. I think there's a limit to the amount of stress one body can handle. Certainly a limit to the amount one soul can handle.

Work is stable and that's about the only thing right now. I almost wish it was chaotic to distract me from the horror of a roller coaster my life has become.